


time, mystical time (cutting me open then healing me fine)

by therestisconfetti



Series: invisible string [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, I love these two sm :'), basically brittany and santana's relationship throughout all six seasons of glee, minor Mercedes Jones, with other moments in between
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26591563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/therestisconfetti
Summary: Love is patient.Maybe Brittany should’ve known when she noticed how Santana never called her stupid like everyone else does. She could’ve picked up on it when Santana never ran out of patience when it came to her, that she would find different ways to explain a question or an idea until Brittany understood. She should’ve noticed when Santana’s mean and vicious fits were never geared towards her, or how she would defend Brittany against anyone who tried to belittle her.or: Brittany falls in love with Santana slowly and all at once over the years
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Series: invisible string [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2009884
Comments: 16
Kudos: 110





	time, mystical time (cutting me open then healing me fine)

**Author's Note:**

> re-watched glee from start to finish recently and I still loves these two as much as I did the first time, so basically enjoy me looking at everything through brittany's perspective over the years :)
> 
> title from invisible string by taylor swift

Love is patient.

This is what Brittany was always told when she was little - by her parents, by her teachers. So this is what she goes by.

Growing up, Brittany never really dreamed about falling in love. It just wasn’t one of those things that ever came up in her mind. She had other things to worry about, like whether or not Lord Tubbington was smoking when the family wasn’t home or if birds were actually just robots.

But then came Santana.

It doesn’t happen quickly. It’s not like love at first sight. At least, Brittany’s pretty sure it’s not. The way she and Santana fall into sync is so quick and familiar that Brittany hardly even notices it. They join the Cheerios together, meeting at tryouts and becoming a trio with Quinn Fabray rather quickly, and everything else just falls into place. She and Santana are attached by the hip every moment after, pinkies linked and smiles bright. Brittany knows she has a best friend.

Maybe Brittany should’ve known when she noticed how Santana never called her stupid like everyone else does. She could’ve picked up on it when Santana never ran out of patience when it came to her, that she would find different ways to explain a question or an idea until Brittany understood. She should’ve noticed when Santana’s mean and vicious fits were never geared towards her, or how she would defend Brittany against anyone who tried to belittle her.

“You’re awesome Britt,” Santana would say when Brittany would mumble a thank you. “Some people just can’t see it. I do.”

She should have noticed all these things, but in those moments, Brittany is just happy to have a friend who finally seems to get her.

* * *

Of course Brittany loves Santana. They’re best friends, just like Brittany loves their other best friend Quinn.

But Brittany isn’t sleeping with Quinn.

It starts out innocently enough. They get drunk at a party and make out on a dare, and because Santana  _ loves _ putting on a show, when the jocks all cheer, it becomes their little bit. Then it’s hesitant and slow in Brittany’s bedroom, when everyone else is asleep and Santana is over for one of their regular sleepovers, and kissing Santana sober feels just as good - maybe better - than kissing her when they’re drunk. 

And then Santana asks one day, “Do you ever think about sleeping with a girl?”

Brittany considers this question. Sure, she’s made out with lots of boys and girls, but she’s never actually had sex with a girl.

“Sometimes,” Brittany admits. “Maybe they’re better than boys.”

Santana looks like she’s thinking about something when she nods and hums, “Maybe they are.”

There is a beat and then, “We could always find out.”

They have sex, and the first time is nervous and a little awkward, but every touch is gentle and purposeful, and Brittany isn’t really sure how she hasn’t had sex like this before. She likes the way Santana feels, the way her name falls from Santana’s lips. So they do it again and again and again until it’s practically routine.

Santana says sex isn’t dating, so Brittany figures they aren’t dating.

However, she can’t help but wonder why no one else makes her feel the way Santana does.

And anyway, sometimes Brittany thinks they  _ are _ dating. Santana links their pinkies together when they walk down the halls, and their schedules work around each other, and they’re always at each other's houses.

“We’re best friends, Britt,” Santana tells her when she brings it up one day. “Of course we do all those things. That doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

Brittany accepts her answer because Santana is super smart, so she drops it. Deep down, she still isn’t convinced.

There are times where Brittany will mention something about dating or maybe singing a duet in glee club together and Santana flips like a switch. She is suddenly cold and distant, and maybe a little mean, and Brittany shrinks into herself when it happens because she is afraid she might lose her sweet lady kisses if she pushes too far.

And yeah, it kind of sucks that Santana’s being mean right now, but Brittany lets her be, and she waits patiently for Santana to find the right words to express the feelings she can’t quite express to herself just yet.

(She knows those words might never come, but she’s learning that she’s willing to wait for something that’ll never happen when it comes to Santana.)

* * *

Dating Artie was only supposed to be a way to teach Santana a lesson, but then Brittany realizes she kind of likes being with Artie - well, sort of. She likes that he encourages talking about their feelings, and that he always asks what she’s thinking and making sure if Brittany gets upset about something, they talk it out.

It is almost the complete opposite of what happens in her bedroom with Santana - which, that’s still going on.

“It’s not cheating because it’s different plumbing,” Santana tells her as she’s tugging off Brittany’s shorts.

Deep down, Brittany knows that it’s not true, but Santana’s hands are all over her and her kisses are kind of the best kisses Brittany’s ever had, so she doesn’t argue. She just lets Santana’s fingers drag along her skin and find all the right places because she knows Santana still hasn’t found the words she wants to say.

She keeps coming back because she thinks she might be in love with Santana, and she doesn’t know what to do about it because Santana won’t talk.

Something she’s learned from Artie is that everything about making out and having sex is better when feelings are involved. Sure, Artie isn’t as good at sex as Santana is, but doesn’t that just beg the question of what  _ does _ making out and having sex with feelings feel like with her?

It isn’t until they find an adult that they can trust that Brittany finally suggests they bring in an outsider’s opinion. Holly Holliday is cool and chill and totally doesn’t look at Brittany weird when she says what’s on her mind, and even though they’re sitting on the floor of a classroom with the lights out, Brittany trusts her.

“It’s not about who you are attracted to. Ultimately, it’s who you fall in love with.”

Brittany is sure in that moment that she, Brittany S. Pierce is in love with Santana Lopez.

“I know a song,” Santana says when Miss Holliday suggests they sing their feelings, and the fact that Santana isn’t rejecting the idea right away is enough to give Brittany hope.

* * *

Brittany feels like Santana might love her, too. At least, that’s the vibe she’s getting from the song they sing together and the way Santana is crying and she looks vulnerable in a way Brittany has never seen before. When Rachel mentions sapphics, Santana snaps, and Brittany immediately realizes that Santana is scared.

But her confirmation comes in the hallway at their lockers the day after, Santana’s shoulders shrunk in and her voice quiet and tears beginning to well in her eyes when she says it.

“I have to accept that I love you,” Santana says as her voice cracks and she sniffs to hold back an onslaught of tears. “I love  _ you _ and I don’t want to be with Sam, Finn or any of those other guys. I just want you.”

Brittany thinks she might start crying, too.

“Please say you love me back, please.”

It’s broken and desperate, and Brittany’s stomach aches in a way she’s never felt before.

“Of course I love you, I do,” she responds without missing a beat, and there is a breath of fresh air to finally say it out loud, to say what she’s held back every time they find themselves alone in the bedroom or when Santana smiles with her dimples in glee club or when they’re tugging each other down the halls.

But Brittany knows she has something to lose here.

Artie.

She doesn’t think she loves him the way she loves Santana, but she does love him, to some extent, and she can’t fathom breaking his poor heart.

So Brittany tries to explain to Santana, to say that she wants to be hers, but can’t, not now.

“Whoever thought being fluid meant you could be so stuck,” Santana comments bitterly.

“I’m sorry,” Brittany sighs, trying to go in for a hug, to wrap her arms around to Santana in a way she’s done time and time again. 

“Get off me.”

The way Santana pushes her jolts Brittany. It’s the first time Santana’s angry, cold side has ever been directed at her and it’s almost like a slap in the face. She’s frozen as she watches Santana, tears falling down her face, walk away.

She knows better than to go after her best friend. If she goes, Santana will lash out and say things she doesn’t mean. So with hunched shoulders, Brittany goes to class, and waits.

Brittany knows that Santana needs time, that this is all too much to take in for a week.

* * *

They find their balance again, friendship and only friendship this time, but there is always that hovering question of  _ what if _ that lingers in Brittany’s mind.

* * *

Brittany is sad after her breakup with Artie, but not really, because he called her stupid, just like every other boy does.

However, she is in even worse shape when Santana bails on Fondue for Two and they don’t see each other until the next day, when Santana is getting grilled by JBI about the rumors about her and Karofsky.

“So you two are in love, soul mates so to speak?”

Brittany watches them from her locker. She notices the way Santana is doing her best to fight off the deer in headlights look that wants to creep up on her face. She notices the way she’s trying to get out of this interview as soon as possible.

Santana’s eyes meet hers over Jacob Ben Irael’s shoulders. Brittany holds her breath.

“Yeah,” she nods, looking back at JBI. “I’d say that was accurate.”

Brittany’s heart breaks right there, where a few weeks ago Santana’s heart probably broke, too.

Yet at the same time, Brittany can’t find it in her to be mad at Santana. Her best friend is scared, and this is how she knows how to deal: survive by blending in.

Santana sits next to her in glee club and makes a comment about Brittany’s shirt like everything is normal, so Brittany sucks it up and joins in, knowing exactly what Santana is trying to do.

It’s not an apology, not by a long shot, but it’s something.

* * *

It doesn’t take long until they fall into the familiar rhythm they’ve always had, until they’re dancing around the choir room together again when Finn and Puck pick up their instruments, until they’re flanking Quinn’s side to comfort her just like the best friends they are.

They lose at nationals and while Santana just might murder Rachel, Brittany isn’t bothered. She knows she has her people, and she knows she’s got her best friend in the whole world back, and that another national competition will await them next year, that she gets a chance to do it all over again with the people she loves. She explains all of this to Santana when she asks.

“What about you and I?”

Santana looks at her nervously, like she’s holding her breath, and Brittany doesn’t hesitate.

“I love you, Santana,” she answers right away. “I love you more than anyone in the world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything is possible.”

Brittany’s heart flutters when Santana’s lips curve into a smile and she notices the relief in her eyes and the way her entire body relaxes. Brittany’s told Santana she’s loved her so many times before this in so many different ways, but she thinks, for the first time, Santana is finally on the same page as her.

“You’re my best friend,” Santana mumbles when she hugs her.

Brittany lets it sink in for a minute before she replies, “You’re mine, too.”

When Santana holds up her pinky, Brittany takes it without a second thought and is unable to keep the grin off her face. Santana’s eyes are sparkling with hope, and Brittany can’t stop looking at her as they make their way to the last glee club meeting of the year.

Santana isn’t all the way there yet, this Britt knows, but she also knows that anything is possible, especially when Santana doesn’t pull away when they greet their friends in the choir room.

So Brittany is more than willing to wait just a bit longer.

* * *

Brittany dubs the summer before senior year as the Summer of Santana.

When she’s not on her yearly family vacation or teaching dance classes at local summer camps, Brittany is with Santana every other waking moment. Sleepovers end up being weeklong stays, rotating back and forth between each other’s houses. Most days are spent lounging around in bed with movie marathons acting as mere background noise to their on and off makeout sessions. Or they’re out by Brittany’s pool, laying out for a tan until Brittany is dragging Santana into the water with her.

This version of Santana is quickly becoming Brittany’s favorite. Without the pressure of high school and the Cheerios and wondering what everyone else is saying, Santana is carefree and unaware of just about everything else in the world besides Brittany. Her eyes are so filled with love that Brittany can hardly recall the cold and dark days of the year they just had, where there was frustration and tears and nothing but pain in Santana’s eyes.

They do dinner at Breadstix like they always do, and Brittany honestly wonders if they’ve really just been dating before all of this anyway.

But Brittany doesn’t want to scare Santana away, doesn’t want to ruin all this progress she’s making - which Brittany is  _ incredibly _ proud of, by the way - so she pushes thoughts of dating and labels aside, and lets Santana take her to a farmer’s market in the next town over on a Saturday morning with the promise of food and coffee.

There is one moment, a late night in Santana’s bedroom, when it’s dark and the moon is providing the only light, that Brittany tugs Santana up from their makeout session and leads her to the empty space of her bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Santana asks curiously.

Brittany only smiles, wrapping an arm around Santana’s waist as her other hand takes Santana’s in her own. Santana is clearly still confused, but she’s giving her an amused smile anyway.

“Dance with me,” Brittany murmurs, her lips brushing against Santana’s ear as she pulls her close. “Don’t you hear the song?”

There’s silence, Stevie Nicks’ voice singing softly around them, before she feels Santana smile against her shoulder and press a kiss there.

“I love you,” Santana murmurs as she lets Brittany lead them, gently swaying back and forth.

“I love you too San,” Brittany sighs against her hair.

There is something about the way they say it here, in the quiet of Santana’s room with Fleetwood Mac playing in the background that feels like everything's falling into place.

* * *

Brittany is having like, the best start to senior year.

She and Santana take turns driving each other to school, kissing in the car and holding hands on the way there. Santana isn’t quite ready to hold her hand and kiss her in the hallways, but Brittany’s okay with it. She’s patient, like always, and she knows it’s not a waste when Santana hooks her foot around Brittany’s ankle when they sit together in class or when they sing a song in glee and twirl each other around the choir room.

For the first time in a long time, Santana looks undeniably comfortable in her skin. Sure, she can totally tear someone apart at the drop of a hat still, but Brittany watches her when they’re in glee club or when they’re walking to class with Mercedes or Tina or even Sugar, and she can tell that Santana cares about them, too.

Brittany falls in love with Santana a little more each day, even though she has no idea how it’s possible. She looks back to where they were last year and her heart swells with how far Santana has come - how far  _ they _ have come.

Breadstix has always been their spot, but now it’s like a  _ date _ spot and Brittany kind of loves it. Santana usually pays, which is why Brittany orders a shrimp cocktail because Santana doesn’t seem to have a problem with spoiling her just a little. Santana looks distracted and nervous though, and Brittany is tempted to ask why but she’s learned to wait until Santana is comfortable enough to bring it up on her own.

So Brittany eats her shrimp and waits for Santana to find the words.

“Hey, I wanna talk about...you know,” Santana starts, not quite meeting her eyes. “That  _ thing _ we never talk about.”

“That sour patch kids are just gummy bears that turned to drugs?” Brittany asks eagerly.

Santana ignores the question, instead asking, “Are we dating, or what?”

Brittany resists the urge to smile.

“Wait, isn’t this a date?” Brittany asks, looking around at the food on their table. “Aren’t you paying? ‘Cause I ordered shrimp.”

Brittany glances up from their food to see Santana’s lips slowly turn up into a smile as she watches Brittany fret over their meal. It’s working just like she’d hoped, so she keeps going.

“Last week when we were taking a bath together, wasn’t that a date?” Brittany asks, smiling just a little.

When she meets Santana’s eyes again, they are watery and Santana looks away before the tears fall. Brittany pouts.

“Are you crying?”

Santana looks at her again, the ghost of a smile on her lips. “It’s just that I’m really happy.”

Brittany’s heart swells.

“Well,” she begins with a grin. “I told you last year that if I’m single and you’re single, that we’d mingle.”

She’s pretty sure she’s been dating Santana long before they were actually dating, that everything has been a series of dates whether they realized it or not. She keeps going though, just to make sure Santana knows, to see the smile she knows Santana can’t wipe off her face no matter how hard she tries.

“I do have one more wish,” Santana admits a few minutes later, her face going all bashful and shy as her eyes don’t quite meet Brittany’s.

Brittany’s lips curl into a small smile as she lets out an encouraging hum.

“I wish you’d hold my hand.”

Santana looks so vulnerable and honest in the moment that the only reaction Brittany can manage is a wider smile before she is reaching over and clasping Santana’s hand on the table. It’s like Christmas morning when she watches Santana look at their intertwined hands with laughter like she doesn’t quite believe it.

Brittany doesn’t even care that Santana tosses a napkin over their hands a moment later. She’s just so happy at how far Santana has come.

She’s not ready, not yet, but Brittany knows they are getting somewhere, so she’s more than okay with waiting it out a little longer.

* * *

Santana wasn’t ready.

She was  _ so _ close - Brittany knows it - but she wasn’t ready, not today.

It comes to a boiling point, because Santana’s temper can go off like a fuse and stupid Finn Hudson can’t seem to figure that out, and the slap sounds ten times louder than it actually probably was. It seems like everyone is frozen in place for a long moment before Santana is sprinting out of the auditorium, and Brittany only takes a beat before she is running after her.

She catches Santana in the Troubletones’ practice room, angrily shoving her backpack onto her shoulders after digging her keys out. There are angry tears streaming down her face, and Brittany is immediately reaching and grabbing Santana’s hand and spinning her around.

“‘Tana,” she says softly.

There is hardly a beat that passes before Santana is fully collapsing against Brittany’s chest, broken sobs falling from her mouth. Brittany’s dress is bound to be tear stained now, but she doesn’t care. Instead she wraps her arms around her girlfriend protectively, pressing kisses into her hair.

There is shuffling and Brittany shifts her gaze to the doorway to find Quinn with a worried frown, Mercedes and Sugar wearing a similar expression behind her. She knows they’re here to support Santana, but the girl in her arms can only take so much today.

_ Text you later, _ she mouths at them.

Quinn nods in understanding, offering the smallest but most encouraging smile. Once they’re gone, Brittany’s fingers reach down and pluck Santana’s car keys out of her hands.

“I’ll drive us home, okay?” she murmurs into Santana’s hair. 

When she feels Santana nod against her chest, Brittany presses a kiss to the top of her head before she is slowly releasing Santana to grab her own backpack. She holds Santana’s hand the entire walk to the car and all the way to Santana’s empty house, driving with one hand on the wheel and the other in Santana’s lap, fingers intertwined.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Santana’s voice is small, even muffled with the way she speaks against Brittany’s chest. They are in Santana’s bed, curled up against each other in sweatpants and t-shirts. Brittany has been gently stroking Santana’s dark hair for what feels like whatever, but she doesn’t mind. She likes the way her girlfriend calms underneath her touch, the way she relaxes in a way she doesn’t around anyone else.

Brittany’s heart aches at the sound of Santana’s voice. For all they’ve been through, all  _ Santana’s _ been through the past year, this is the last thing she deserves. Brittany wishes she could magically take it all away, but she can’t. But she has always been there for Santana when it’s counted, and she’s not going to stop now.

So Brittany pulls away gently with just enough space so her pointed finger can slide under Santana’s chin to lift her face so they’re looking at each other. Santana’s eyes are red and puffy and her mouth is turned into an ever-present frown, and it’s  _ really _ hard for Brittany to not just kiss it all away.

“I know what’s going to happen next,” she tells Santana softly.

Santana eyes her curiously, that sad frown still on her face.

“We’re going to get through this together,” Brittany states matter-of-factly. “You and me, okay? I’m with you no matter what happens.”

She watches as the tension leaves Santana’s body and how her girlfriend’s lips turn up into the tiniest of smiles. Her eyes squint a little, telling Brittany that it’s a  _ real _ smile and not just the one she usually puts on for everyone else, and Brittany can’t help but smile back.

“You, Santana Lopez, are the bravest and strongest girl I know,” she continues, wiping a stray tear from Santana’s cheek. “If anyone can handle this, it’s you.”

Santana bites her lip, looking at Brittany with adoring eyes. Brittany, for her part, does her best not to melt. Santana needs her to be the strong one right now, and that’s what she’ll do because she’ll do anything for Santana.

“I love you so much.”

Her voice is raw but smooth, almost desperate to remind Brittany just how  _ much _ she loves her. Brittany smiles fully now, leaning down to press a soft kiss against Santana’s lips before responding, “I love you, too. We’re in it together now, remember?”

“Together,” Santana echoes with a nod before she’s curling up against Brittany’s chest.

And she  _ is _ there, right by Santana.

She’s there when Finn attempts to turn the week into some weird apology attempt. Really, all he does is kind of piss Santana off and then make her cry with his song choice, but Brittany can see he’s trying.

She’s there when Santana comes out to the Cheerios, giving an encouraging grin from the bottom of the bleachers and filling her chest with pride when Santana reminds them who's the top dog around here.

She is there, in the car outside Santana’s house when she comes out to her parents. Brittany beams when her phone chimes and Santana invites her inside because her parents want to have her for dinner. The way Maribel Lopez hugs her like she’s  _ always _ known that they would end up together makes Brittany feel warm and fuzzy.

Lastly, Brittany is in the driveway of Santana’s abuela’s house, playing with her phone and waiting. She knows Santana’s abuela means the world to her, and honestly, Brittany’s kind of nervous to meet her, but she doesn’t even get to that part because Santana is coming down the driveway a few minutes later, tears streaming down her face and arms around herself, closing herself off from the world.

“Go” is all Santana manages through tears, unable to look Brittany in the eye.

So Brittany drives, taking her back to the Pierce household and holding her until her tears are gone and she is asleep against Brittany’s chest.

For all the steps forward they took this week, she knows this might cause a big step back.

But it’s okay. Brittany has always been patient when it comes to Santana. She’s just going to have to remind Santana how much love she has in her life, even if her abuela isn’t around.

* * *

They don’t hide anymore.

There are moments when Santana forgets, where she checks her shoulder and hesitates in the slightest, but Brittany gives her a patient, warm smile along with a reassuring squeeze and Santana relaxes almost immediately. Brittany doesn’t mind reminding her girlfriend that it’s okay, not when Santana still looks at her like she’s the only person that matters.

Watching Santana grow confident when it comes to their relationship is one of Brittany’s favorite things. She watches as Santana rolls her eyes and puts on an irritated look when the glee kids tease them for how cute they are, but she knows her girlfriend secretly loves it. She loves the flushed cheeks and pouts Santana gets when her mother walks into the living room to see them cuddled up on the couch or makes a comment about how Brittany has finally softened Santana up. Overall, Brittany just loves getting to love Santana, no more secrets or fear.

Santana kisses Brittany under every mistletoe they see in December, smiling like she’s gotten the best Christmas present of all every single time. At Rachel Berry’s New Year’s Eve party - which, Brittany is happy to say, isn’t as much of a trainwreck as the last time they were all at Rachel’s - Santana excitedly counts down to midnight before sweeping Brittany into a long, heated kiss which results in Puck letting out a whistle of approval.

Brittany only laughs while Santana tells him to fuck off, but Santana’s eyes are so bright with possibilities of a new year with each other that Brittany feels like everything is just as it should be.

* * *

Never in her life would Brittany ever think Santana Lopez would be the mastermind behind one of the most extravagant promposals ever, but Santana once again proves her wrong.

Her girlfriend manages to get not only their glee club friends, but most of the Cheerios and part of the band involved in her elaborate plan, setting it all into motion at lunch in the cafeteria and ending it all on the football field. There’s singing and flips and Santana is holding Brittany’s hand the whole way, and Brittany feels kind of like she’s in a dream.

Somehow, Santana managed to get one of those ridiculously expensive flashy signs that reads  _ PROM? _ in big, red letters.

“Britt,” Santana breathes out after her last note. “Will you go to prom with me?”

Brittany’s answer is immediate, her head nodding fiercely. “Yes! Oh my god, of course - yes!”

Applause and cheers erupt all around them as Brittany throws herself into Santana’s arms, and it’s hard to remember why Santana used to be so scared when this exact moment is happening. Santana murmurs  _ I love you _ in her ear, only for her, and Brittany feels warm all over.

Later, when they’re walking to glee club, pinkies linked, Brittany says, “You know you didn’t have to do all of that.”

Santana looks at her knowingly. “Of course I did.”

“Not that I’m complaining,” Brittany admits with a laugh. “But I would’ve been equally as happy if you had tapped a piece of paper with ‘prom’ on it to Lord Tubbington.”

Santana slows her walk, taking Brittany with her. When Brittany faces her, she waits curiously for Santana’s response.

“I had to make it up to you.”

Brittany’s lips twist. “Make up for what?”

Santana bites her lip, taking both Brittany’s hands in hers as she explains, “You wanted to ask me last year on Fondue for Two and I totally bailed. I spent prom miserably pretending I was straight instead of going with my favorite person in the world.”

Brittany gives her a small, sad smile as she recalls their last prom. She remembers glancing over her shoulder every few songs to see Santana, a guarded expression on her face, dancing with Dave Karofsky with an awkward amount of distance between them. She also remembers wanting to just say screw it and force Santana to dance with her.

“I’m not that person anymore,” Santana promises, looking at Brittany with wide eyes. “I want everyone to know I’m taking my  _ girlfriend _ to prom this year.”

Brittany feels herself falling a little more in love with Santana right this second, and it fills her chest with unexplainable joy.

“I know that’s not who you are anymore,” Brittany reminds her gently. “You’ve grown so much this past year, honey. I’m yours, proudly so, and I am  _ so _ excited to be your prom date.”

Santana grins so wide her cheeks might burst, but Brittany’s matching it right away and they’re two giggling idiots in the hallway until Mercedes and Sugar walk past them.

“Don’t be late to glee club because you’re too busy eye fucking each other,” Mercedes teases as she passes.

Santana immediately snaps, “Watch it, Wheezy!”

Brittany only rolls her eyes fondly, tugging at Santana’s hand. “Let’s go.”

Prom with Santana this year is going to be the best prom ever, even more so when she figures out her dinosaur theme.

* * *

Spring semester of senior year is  _ literally _ the best time of Brittany’s life.

She has a super hot girlfriend who also doubles as her best friend and sings her love songs in glee club and at prom, she’s class president, and she wins  _ two _ national titles this year.

She loves the Cheerios, but she loves glee club more, Brittany decides. Glee club is where she’s never afraid to be herself and  _ most _ people don’t say mean things to her when she says what’s on her mind. It’s where they get to be a family and lean on each other and laugh together when it counts. It’s where she and Santana can just  _ be _ and everyone looks at them like, on some level, they all knew they’d be together before the two of them did. She’s kind of glad the Troubletones lost at sectionals, because she gets to spend the rest of the year with these stupid losers - Santana’s words, not hers - always look out for each other. She’s right on track to a perfect end to her senior year.

The only thing not on track? Her grades.

So maybe she lets it all slip away from her, but how can’t she when her life consists of glee club and choreo and singing and cheerleading and most importantly  _ Santana?  _ Really, everyone had to see this one coming

“I can’t believe I let this happen,” Santana groans when they’re in her bedroom after having dinner at Breadstix with Maribel.

Brittany rolls her eyes, nudging Santana knowingly. “This isn’t your fault. You’re not the one who failed all your classes.”

“I should’ve helped you stay on track with your work,” Santana sighs, running a hand through her hair.

“It’s hard to do homework when the awesomest girl to ever walk this earth is in my room like all the time,” Brittany deadpans with a goofy smile.

“Okay cheeseball,” Santana teases with a light shove at Brittany’s shoulder, laughing. 

Brittany looks at her, a half-smile on her lips. “I’m serious. I’m so lucky to be your girlfriend. I’m really proud of you this year.”

Santana softens at the comment, her eyes shining with that adoration Brittany has come to know well. A year ago, Santana would’ve never looked at her this way. 

“Go to Louisville,” Brittany encourages. “I worked really,  _ really _ hard on your application for you and I want to tell everyone my girlfriend is a kickass  _ college _ cheerleader.”

Santana shakes her head, but she’s laughing and pulling Brittany into her arms.

“I love you,” she murmurs before pressing a kiss to Brittany’s cheek.

“I know. I’m pretty awesome,” Brittany grins.

“I’ll come back on weekends to see you,” Santana promises.

“I know you will.”

Yeah, not going to college with Santana will probably suck, but she knows Santana will always come back to her.

Love is patient, Brittany knows, and love is whenever she’s with Santana.

* * *

Sending Santana off to college is hard, but doing this whole high school thing without her is even harder.

Their schedules almost never line up. When Santana calls, she looks exhausted or she’s only half-listening because she’s already running late to her next practice or class of the day. Brittany is really trying to navigate through her second senior year, but it’s hard when it was always Santana making sure they got to class or studied for a test or stayed away from the mean bullies who called Brittany stupid.

When Santana  _ does _ finally get a few days to sneak away and come home, something is different. They both know it, and Brittany knows they should talk about it, but she is afraid of ruining everything and losing the one person she’s endlessly waited for, so she keeps her mouth shut.

Santana breaks up with her anyway by the end of her visit.

_ You know this isn’t working. _

She says it’s not an official breakup, but they are both in tears and there’s some weird sort of feeling of finality to it that Brittany can’t help but feel like it’s a breakup.

“You know I will always love you the most,” Santana says through tears.

It only makes Brittany cry harder, and when Santana presses her lips against hers one last time, it takes all of Brittany not to beg her to take it back. She knows, deep down, that Santana is trying to be mature and trying to protect her, like she has for as long as they’ve known each other. But right now, it hurts.

“I love you too,” Brittany manages to tell her through tears, clutching onto Santana tightly.

Love is patient, Brittany’s always been told, but what happens when patience isn’t enough?

* * *

Dating Sam wasn’t ever something Brittany planned to do.

To be honest, she is still so caught up on Santana it’s kind of embarrassing. They don’t talk as much as they used to anymore, but when she comes home for Finn’s production of Grease and then again for Thanksgiving it’s like they’re best friends again. Add Quinn to the mix and everything feels almost right, but there is a dull feeling in Brittany’s chest because she’s crossed that line of  _ more than friends _ with Santana before and she isn’t quite sure they can ever go back without this pain.

But Sam is  _ here _ and he gets Brittany in a way that only Santana ever really has, and you know, he’s kind of cute with his big lips. Sure, he’s not smart like Santana and his body doesn’t move the way Santana’s does and he doesn’t have her confidence or that damn smirk or - well, you get the point.

Sam is a nice boy and Brittany is trying her best to have a good senior year, so she dates him. He’s nice and funny and even though he isn’t as good at explaining concepts Brittany doesn’t understand - Satana was  _ really _ good at that, honestly - she has fun with him. It’s freeing, that feeling of being happy and going on dates and having someone’s arm around her again. It makes her breathe a little easier.

(He tries to take her out on a date on a Friday night, and Brittany freezes. Friday nights were dates nights when she was with Santana.

She asks if they can do Saturday instead and Sam gives her that dopey smile and nods, and Brittany lets out a quiet sigh of relief when he doesn’t ask why.)

She just...doesn’t tell Santana. It doesn’t seem like anyone else does either and whether it’s because they’re telepathic and know Brittany hasn’t mentioned it or just because they all are somewhat afraid of Santana’s reaction, she is grateful either way.

It works out great for her, really, until Santana is bursting through the door of the choir room in her - incredibly hot - Louisville cheer uniform with her teammates. Of course, Brittany should’ve known as soon as Finn said the word  _ diva _ because well, Santana is certainly putting on a show.

Brittany  _ tries _ to play it cool, to play nice with a high five and a casual question of  _ how come you didn’t tell me you were coming to town?  _ But Santana has always been better at this game.

“You know, I think the better question is why didn’t you tell me you were dating Sam?”

Brittany looks away, the sinking feeling ever present in her stomach. She doesn't need to turn around to see the way Sam is gaping or the way Kitty is probably eating up this drama unfolding in front of everyone’s eyes. She thinks she should apologize because despite how calm Santana sounds, Brittany knows her better than that. She can sense the emotions bubbling underneath the brunette’s demeanor, the way she has a thousand things she wants to say but won’t because that’s just how Santana is.

Or at least, that’s how she was before Brittany coaxed it all out of her, showing her that talking about feelings isn’t the worst thing in the world.

“...and my girlfriend, Elaine.”

Brittany’s head snaps back up at that, and hot jealousy shoots up her system as she watches Santana wrap an arm around some pretty brunette that isn’t her. This is  _ stupid _ . They broke up. Brittany’s dating Sam. She shouldn’t care that Santana’s dating her dumb new teammate. And yet, when Santana kisses her in front of the entire glee club, Brittany feels sick to her stomach.

She makes herself scarce after that, knowing that Santana is probably wandering down the halls of McKinley the rest of the day. It doesn’t take long for Brittany’s luck to take an even worse turn when she exits the stall of the girls’ bathroom by her locker to find Elaine out of her cheer uniform and doing her makeup at the sinks.

Another surge of jealousy fills the pit of Brittany’s stomach. She thinks of how Elaine probably has Santana in all the ways Brittany doesn’t anymore, how they’re probably together all the time. She snaps herself out of it, reminds herself she has a  _ boyfriend _ she actually likes, and plasters on a smile as she washes her hands.

“Hi. You’re Santana’s girlfriend,” she starts. “Elaine, right?”

Elaine looks her up and down, very clearly judging her. “You’re the ex-girlfriend.”

“Brittany,” the blonde reminds her. “Santana’s my best friend.”

Elaine just looks at her while she dries her hands before she scoffs. “Some best friends you two are if she can’t even tell you, can she?”

Brittany frowns, brows furrowing together. “Tell me what? That you’re her girlfriend?”

Elaine looks at her like she’s stupid. It makes Brittany feel small.

“I’m not her girlfriend, so you can chill on those jealous vibes,” Elaine tells her, and Brittany’s face only scrunches into further confusion. “Second of all, Santana doesn’t even go to Louisville anymore. She dropped out and paid all of us to be here when that dumb dude called. She even paid me extra to pretend to be her girlfriend.”

“What?”

It’s the only thing Brittany can come up with. Her brain doesn’t work fast like everyone else’s does. It’s kind of hard to process all of this new information at once.

“Looks like your  _ best friend _ has some explaining to do,” Elaine says haughtily, capping off her lip gloss before she is sauntering out of the bathroom.

Brittany is left standing in the bathroom as the bell rings, trying to figure out how Santana could hide something like this.

* * *

Brittany never thought she’d ever see the day Santana settled.

And yet, here in the auditorium, hearing Santana go on about how Sue’s picked Santana as her successor as Cheerios coach, her stomach drops in disappointment while her heart beats a little faster, a contradiction that never makes any sense.

_ Of course _ she’d love to have Santana close again, to know she’d be down the hall or see her at Cheerios practice after school. Being away from Santana sucks. But Brittany also knows this isn’t what Santana is meant to do. She’s always been too big for Lima, Ohio. Brittany thinks, with the way Santana looks small and unsure in front of her, that her best friend just needs a little reminder.

“You need to be somewhere that’s as big and as hot as you are,” Brittany tells her. “It’s okay to follow your dreams.”

Santana shakes her head. “No, Brittany, you have no idea what it’s like in the real world. No one gives a damn about you.”

Brittany makes her way around the piano as she points out, “Rachel found a new guy and I heard Kurt did too.” When she comes to a stop in front of Santana she adds, “Why shouldn’t you get the chance to be around people who are like you? Who appreciate you?”

Santana’s eyes are shining and there is something on the tip of her tongue, Brittany knows it, but she’s not going to let Santana talk herself out of this, not this time. Santana has always pushed her to achieve her full potential, always making sure she studied to pass a test or hit the Cheerios routine or nail her part in each glee performance. It’s her turn to give back.

“Why can’t you have a  _ real _ girlfriend?” Brittany asks despite the sting that comes with saying it. She quickly adds, “but not a best friend ‘cause that part’s already taken.”

For the first time since she’s been back, she watches Santana’s lips form up into the smallest of smiles - a real one, Brittany might add - and Brittany kind of feels like she’s won the jackpot at this moment. She reaches out and pulls Santana in a hug, trying not to melt at the contact after months apart. Santana still smells like expensive perfume and fruity shampoo, and Brittany does her best to commit this to memory, the feelings that overwhelm her when Santana is  _ so _ close.

“You really are a genius Brittany,” Santana tells her when they pull away, hands meeting each other.

Brittany would be lying if she didn’t feel that instant spike of adoration and glee she gets every time Santana says that to her.

(Sam never calls her a genius, not like this.)

“Duh,” she deadpans, because that’s just how they are.

“And you’re my best friend,” Santana confirms.

They smile at each other for a moment and it feels like nothing else matters, not when she’s here with Santana feeling more fulfilled than she has in a really, really long time.

When Santana kisses her, they both know it’s going to be the last one, but this time there are no tears. Brittany knows in that kiss that Santana’s mind has been made, that Brittany has convinced her. She knows that Santana will find her way to New York and finally get after that dream she’s had as long as Brittany’s known her.

_ I want to be famous, plain and simple. _

There are words on the tip of Brittany’s tongue. There’s  _ I love you _ and  _ you’re the most awesome person I know _ and  _ Sam can’t compare to you at all _ but instead she invites Santana to essentially third wheel. Santana lets out a soft chuckle and a knowing smile and Brittany knows that, for now, this is goodbye.

Brittany will wait for Santana to find herself again before they fully find each other once more. She’s become good at this waiting game between them.

* * *

A wedding on Valentine’s Day screams disaster, Brittany thinks in retrospect.

But at the moment, Brittany is too excited about wearing hearts on her cheeks when she does her makeup and dancing with Sam all night. He’s not the end all, be all, but Brittany likes how much he likes her and he’s still just as sweet as he was when they first started dating.

Brittany hopes she can fall in love with him one day, maybe that’ll dull the ache in her chest at the sight of Santana in that church, looking as good as ever in her signature red. Sam’s arm around her suddenly feels too heavy, his hand on her arm too big.

Even without an actual wedding ceremony to take place and Mr. Schuester probably running all around Lima looking for his runaway bride, the reception is fun and even with Santana mere feet away from her, Brittany dances with Sam the whole night without incident. There are moments where Brittany finds herself looking over at her ex-girlfriend, who is downing drink after drink with Quinn, and her stomach twists because she misses them. She misses who she used to be when the  _ three _ of them were inseparable, when they did everything together.

But Sam is doing one of his silly impressions in her ear and Tina is begging her to dance so loudly that Santana and Quinn feel so far away. The only thing that eases Brittany’s mind is that at least Santana isn’t spending the night alone. Brittany has no idea just how  _ not alone _ Santana is until the next morning.

Their group of misfits take advantage of the hotel breakfast, pretty much everyone either rented a room or just simply passed out in someone else’s, so seeing each other at breakfast is a warm welcome.

Santana and Quinn are the last ones to stumble in, clearly the most hungover out of everyone else. Santana’s hair is up in a haphazard ponytail - which totally  _ doesn’t _ look absolutely adorable according to Brittany - and Quinn looks like she might just spit on anyone who tries to talk to her.

Brittany doesn’t think much of it at first, figuring they were so drunk they both just passed out, but when they come closer, her chest tightens.

Quinn is wearing one of Santana’s Louisville cheer practice shirts. 

She thinks she’s seeing things, but the longer she looks at it, the clearer it is to her that the t-shirt Quinn is wearing looks exactly like the one tucked away in Brittany’s drawers at home, one of the shirts Santana gave her when she first started college. 

(It probably still smells like the perfume Santana’s purposefully sprayed on it before giving it to her.)

Brittany looks away quickly, focusing down on the plate of food in front of her before either Quinn or Santana catch her eye. Suddenly, she’s not hungry for the breakfast in front of her. She pushes her food around on her plate with a fork and stays quiet for the rest of the meal, hoping no one notices or points out what she’s just put together. At least, what she thinks she’s put together.

Her doubts disappear when she looks up to see Santana and Quinn at the far end of the table a few minutes later, and though there are no marks on necks, Santana is wearing that secret smile when Quinn meets her gaze, the one she used to wear back when sex wasn’t dating and she and Brittany may or may not have just hooked up in the locker room instead of going to biology class.

Santana and Quinn had sex.

The understanding makes Brittany feel heavy. She knows she has no right, knows that she has a boyfriend and she’s told Santana to move on. She just...wasn’t exactly expecting  _ Quinn _ to help the process along.

“What?”

Brittany looks up, catching the way Quinn is practically glaring at Finn who is giving her a weird look.

“Why are you wearing Santana’s shirt?” 

Brittany looks around the table to see pretty much everyone else has picked up on the conversation and are now also staring at Quinn in Santana’s shirt. Santana looks up from her plate at the sound of her name. Brittany holds her breath.

“I fell asleep in Santana’s hotel room last night,” Quinn responds with a shrug.

Quinn is still as bad at lying as she was when she cheated on Sam junior year. Sam is still none the smarter because when Brittany looks at him, he nods like it makes total sense. Santana, for her part, is emotionless, waiting to see how many people believe Quinn’s poor lie.

“Right,” Artie draws out quietly, shoveling his food around like he knows a secret.

Quinn narrows her eyes at Artie. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Everyone visibly tenses at the tone in her voice and the way Santana’s eyes narrow at Artie. Brittany holds her breath, unsure if she can handle the situation in front of her.

_ Santana and Quinn slept together. _

It’s silent and then, “Neither of you are very quiet.”

Heads whip around to face Jake, who mumbled it at least  _ somewhat  _ quietly. Marley’s eyes widen and she gives Jake’s arm a soft smack.

“Jake,” she hisses.

Quinn’s jaw works. “I’m starting to think every Puckerman was put on this earth to give me a hard time.”

Santana scoffs. “You’re just like your brother. Eavesdrop much?”

Jake, for his part, looks somewhat regretful of his comment and shrinks in his seat with both Quinn and Santana staring him down.

“Leave the poor kid alone,” Blaine cuts in, giving a small, apologetic grimace to Jake.

Kurt looks at Quinn curiously. “Something you want to share with the class, Q?”

Quinn rolls her eyes. “I already had to share an entire pregnancy with you losers, wasn’t that enough?”

“Not that it’s anyone’s business, but Quinn can do whatever the fuck she wants,” Santana adds in quickly, glaring at Kurt. “And some of us have the worst fucking hangovers, so you better change the subject fast before I get my shit together and start going all Lima Heights on your sorry asses.”

Merecedes speaks up then, asking Marley about her mother and how she’s doing, and everyone quickly follows suit, conversing about the most random things just to take the attention off the two former cheerios. Brittany can’t seem to tear her eyes away from Quinn and Santana, though. She watches as Quinn turns to her and murmurs a quiet thanks and Santana gives her a soft smile, one that Brittany hasn’t seen in a long time.

The rest of their breakfast goes without incident and Brittany finally thinks she’s in the clear, but Sam forgets his charger before they leave the hotel so Brittany offers to run up and get it and that’s when she literally almost runs into Santana in the hallway, bag slung around her shoulder.

“I’m so sorr - oh, hey Santana,” Brittany greets, standing up just a little straighter.

Santana looks like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide like she wasn’t expecting her at all - which, she kind of wasn’t.

“Brittany,” she breathes out, just staring at her.

Brittany suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to explain herself. “I uh - Sam forgot his charger so I’m just...we’re leaving.”

Santana nods. “Oh...cool, um...me too. I’m...Kurt and I are um, heading out, too.”

Brittany nods. “Cool.”

It is awkward and unfamiliar between them and Brittany absolutely hates it. She hates that in between them sits that  _ thing _ that they both know, that thing that shouldn’t even bother Brittany because she’s dating Sam and Santana should be able to do whatever or whoever she wants because they’re not together anymore, not like that. She can see the guilt beginning to form in Santana’s eyes, the way she has words on the tip of her tongue that could spill out if she opens her mouth.

“Brittany-” she starts, but the blonde cuts her off.

“Santana, don’t,” Brittany sighs, trying to save them both. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

Santana hesitates. “I know I just...it didn’t mean anything, to either of us.”

Brittany just looks at her for a moment, and she hates how much relief it brings her to hear Santana say it. Santana, though, takes Brittany’s silence as a sign to keep going.

“We were drunk and lonely and Quinn isn’t even-”

“It’s fine, Santana,” Brittany insists, trying her best to give Santana a small smile, all things considered. “It’s whatever, okay?”

Santana lets out a sigh, her eyes swimming with plenty of emotions. “Okay.”

Brittany looks at her for a beat, and there’s words bubbling in her chest like  _ I miss you so much _ and  _ your old practice shirts still smell like you _ and  _ I’m still so in love with you no matter how hard I try to love Sam _ but she knows none of those are the right things to say right now.

“Have a safe flight back” is what she settles with.

Santana offers her a hesitant smile. “Thanks. Take care, Britt-Britt.”

Brittany can’t help but smile at the sound of her nickname and she gives Santana a squeeze on the shoulder as she passes her to grab Sam’s charger out of their hotel room. By the time she comes back out, Santana is long gone.

Quinn calls her after her flight lands in Boston.

“I wouldn’t have slept with Santana if we weren’t so drunk,” she clarifies as soon as Brittany answers.

“Quinn, you guys don’t have to explain anything to me,” Brittany stresses, running a hand through her hair. “You’re both single. I’m dating Sam, remember?”

Honestly, she kind of wants to just pretend it ever happened.

“I know,” Quinn reassures her. “I just - you’re both my friends. Unholy Trinity, remember? I don’t want something stupid like this to ruin it.”

Brittany laughs, reveling in this softer and more open side of Quinn. “Well, I can assure you the Unholy Trinity is still intact. I mean, we all did sleep with Puckerman the same year and we’ve all dated Sam at some point. We’re like besties for life.”

She hears Quinn’s breathy laugh and relaxes a little.

“And anyway, if you’re going to experiment, at least Santana really knows what she’s doing.”

It’s out before she can help herself, but Brittany doesn’t feel too bad about it because Quinn laughs again. It makes herself feel a little less sad about the situation.

“Well I don’t think I’ll be venturing out like that again, but thank you, Britt.”

So maybe it’s a little bit of a relief and a lot of assurance to hear Quinn say that - since she can definitely tell if and when Quinn’s lying - but whatever. She’ll let a part of herself feel good about Santana and Quinn not being into each other.

There’s a pause between them before Brittany quietly adds, “Thanks for looking out for her, Q. She acts so strong but…”

“I know. Anytime,” Quinn responds. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Miss you already,” Brittany smiles.

“Oh, and Brittany?” Quinn adds before they hang up. “She hasn’t given up on you yet.”

Brittany looks at the picture on her nightstand from last year. Santana has her arms around Brittany, kissing her cheek. There is a “Vote for Brittany” pin displayed proudly on Santana’s cheer top.

“I haven’t given up on her either,” Brittany admits quietly.

It’s the first person she’s ever said this to, and she’s surprised it’s to Quinn of all people, but she thinks Quinn understands better than anyone else. She knows they’ve always been  _ Santana and Brittany _ to the core.

“She just has to go do her thing in New York,” Brittany concludes. “Give herself a chance.”

“You are smarter than people give you credit for,” Quinn tells her and Brittany knows she’s smiling.

Brittany smiles, too, still looking at the photo on her nightstand.

* * *

Breaking up with Sam wasn’t part of the plan when she got back from MIT, but she finds she doesn’t regret that spontaneous act in the midst of her full on crazy show when she returns to McKinley. 

(She  _ does _ miss Santana, like, a lot, though. She wasn’t lying about missing her sweet lady kisses in the slightest.

Santana would be able to calm Brittany down and tell her exactly what she needs to hear. She’d kiss her for so long that all of her fears would melt away and she’d link their pinkies together and promise that it’s all going to be okay.)

Last year, Brittany was failing most of her classes and was doomed to repeat senior year.

This year, MIT is offering her an early start. As in, as soon as she goes back home, they want her on campus a week later so they can grill her about numbers and how her brain works.

It’s honestly kind of terrifying and Brittany has no idea how to handle it. Her entire life, Brittany has been told she’s stupid or teachers look at her with a quizzical expression or people brush her off as just “another stupid cheerleader.” Now, these super smart people are telling her she’s actually a genius? 

Maybe Santana was right all along.

Outside of her parents, she doesn’t tell anyone. It’s too much information too quickly and Brittany feels like she’s suffocating. She’s nervous on the entire flight back home, and when she finds herself back in Lima, wheels touching the ground, she doesn’t think she can do it.

So she does the only thing she can think of: she goes on full freak-out mode.

She should’ve known Sam would call Santana, and she also should’ve known that Santana would hop on the first train back to Ohio to figure out the mess Brittany’s found herself in. But Brittany is surprised when she opens her door and Santana is there, the glow and awe of New York vibrating off of her in a leather jacket and a warm smile.

“MIT?” Santana echoes once Brittany gives up her act - because Santana has always been able to see right through her - and tells her the big news. “I...wow, Britt. That’s incredible.”

Brittany’s lips twist. “It’s kind of scaring me.”

Santana’s features soften before she moves her chair closer to Brittany, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Brittany leans into her touch immediately like it’s second nature.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Santana murmurs. “The real world is scary, but this is incredible. I always said you were a genius, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Brittany hums with a smile. “You always believed in me.”

Santana grins. “Just like you believed in me.”

Brittany looks up at her, beaming. Santana’s eyes are light and somewhat far away, and Brittany knows that Santana is thinking of days where they both wore tiny red skirts and spent every waking moment together.

“You believed in me through all of high school and you believed in me enough to help me get to New York,” Santana reminds her, smiling hard enough for those dimples to come through. “Now it’s my turn again. I’m so proud of you, Britt. MIT is so lucky to have someone as awesome as you.”

And just like that, everything holding Brittany back in fear leaves her body. For all the heartache Santana has given her, she is always there to soothe things over with the right words and her soft touch. Brittany shifts so she’s basically resting against Santana, and for the first time since getting back from her school visit, Brittany knows it’s going to be okay.

Santana stays for regionals - “It’s my last glee performance like, ever, you  _ have _ to be there, San!” - and Brittany feels at ease with herself in a way she hasn’t been in months. Being around Santana is as easy as breathing, she realizes. It’s like they fall in sync without even trying, like they were always meant to be in sync no matter what happens.

Mr. Schuester and Ms. Pillsbury get married right there in the choir room, and Santana is holding her hand during the whole impromptu ceremony. Something about the end of this chapter and the way their two teachers look at each other makes Brittany soft, makes her squeeze Satana’s hand when they say I do.

They don’t get back together - no, they’re too smart for that - but there is something about having Santana back in her life before going to college that settles her like nothing else could. Santana helps Brittany pack her life away, and she’s there when her family takes her to the airport.

“Go show them how much of a genius you really are,” Santana murmurs into her skin when they hug goodbye.

Brittany smiles. They’re finding themselves, their  _ adult _ selves, Brittany is sure. She thinks that maybe Santana is her person, but she’ll wait a little longer to be sure.

* * *

If she’s being honest, Brittany is absolutely miserable at MIT.

Her days of cheerleading and dancing and singing are quickly replaced with math problems and weird science labs and people ogling over her brain. She kind of hates it, really. Sure, she thinks it’s cool to be a math genius - and for people to think she’s nothing but  _ smart _ \- but she’s not happy at all.

To make matters worse, Santana gets a girlfriend.

She’s pretty and blonde - wow, Santana really  _ does _ have a type - and they form a band with Kurt and Rachel and some guy and Brittany feels like Santana has all but left her behind. They hardly even have time to text each other these days, but Brittany still feels that heavy ache when Santana posts a photo of her girlfriend giving her a kiss on the cheek, smiling like she used to when she was with Brittany.

But then Finn is gone and suddenly Brittany doesn’t care about new girlfriends or math’s impossible questions. She spends a whole afternoon in the darkness of her dorm, not moving once, before she books a flight back to Lima for the funeral.

She calls Santana without even thinking about it after booking her flight.

Santana answers in two rings, and the sound of her strained voice and hiccup of a sob breaks Brittany.

“Tell me you’re coming home,” she begs, desperation and longing so painfully clear in her voice.

“Of course I am,” Brittany responds.

They don’t say much after that. Santana quietly asks her to stay on the line and Brittany obliges without question. Her heart breaks over and over as Santana struggles to calm her tears. She knows they didn’t have the simplest relationship, but Finn meant something so personal that honestly, Brittany doesn’t think Santana’s fully understood it until now. The sound of Santana’s breathing finally evening out hours later is enough to help her sleep, too.

Everything feels like Brittany’s on autopilot after that until she’s in Santana’s bedroom, the two of them holding each other as they both sob uncontrollably and try to make sense of this loss. She knows Santana has been strong for Rachel and Kurt since that first night they found out. She knows that until now, Santana has done her best to keep it together and keep her two roommates moving as they need.

So she lets Santana cry into her chest and cling to her tightly, wishing this was a nightmare that would end.

It doesn’t, and the day of the funeral, she and Santana sit on either side of Quinn, who for once in her life lets her walls down completely. The tears don’t stop coming for their Quinn who grips both their hands tightly through the entire thing. Brittany rests her head on Quinn’s shoulder while Santana runs her free hand up and down the blonde’s back.

They both know Quinn needs them now more than ever, so they do their best to keep their tears at a minimum and stay strong for her.

Carol and Burt host everyone in the reception space after, and it’s weird, Brittany thinks, to have refreshments and a gathering after putting someone to rest. It’s a lot of hugging and crying and all around just makes everyone feel worse, but there’s something about seeing everyone again that makes Brittany breathe a little bit easier.

MIT feels somewhat like a fever dream right now. This, here, with all her high school friends, feels real. Santana hardly leaving her side feels real, too.

That night, Santana steals a bottle of wine from her parents and brings Brittany back to her bedroom and they lean against her bed on the floor, taking turns drinking from the bottle. There is something understood between them, that they need each other to make sense of it all.

“I was so mad at him,” Santana says after a long spell of silence. “For what he did.”

“I know,” Brittany nods. “He shouldn’t have gone after you the way he did.”

Santana shakes her head, taking a swig from the bottle before adding, “I hated him for a long time, for what he did to me and to you. I hated that he could live his life and almost marry his high school girlfriend without anyone batting an eye and then turn around and out me to all of Ohio and still be the good guy.”

Brittany hums, taking the bottle for a sip of her own. “It wasn’t fair.”

“But he tried,” Santana admits, her voice faltering. “He tried to make it up to me with his stupid lesbian week in glee club. It didn’t fix anything at all, but he cared, you know? He realized it wasn’t okay.”

She sniffs, and Brittany leans closer so their shoulders are pressed against each other.

“He cared about you,” Brittany tells her quietly. “Even if he was kind of dumb.”

Santana closes her eyes. “I was always the biggest bitch to him.”

“Hey,” Brittany says, placing the bottle down before making Santana face her. “Don’t do that.”

“It’s true,” Santana whines, her eyes are sparkling with tears when she opens them to look at Brittany.

“He knew that was how you showed your love to him,” Brittany promises, taking Santana’s hands in hers. “Why do you think he’d always ask you to come back and visit after you graduated? He didn’t hate you, San.”

“He was too nice to me,” Santana sniffs. “He was such a good person.”

“So are you,” Brittany adds without missing a beat.

Santana looks at her as tears begin to fall, and Brittany knows Santana doesn’t believe those words, but she doesn’t push her point because Santana is collapsing against her and Brittany’s own eyes begin to shed tears as they sit on the floor of Santana’s childhood bedroom.

She goes to bed with Santana’s arms around her and Santana’s face pressed into her shoulder blade.

_ Santana has a girlfriend Santana has a girlfriend Santana has a girlfriend _ is all that repeats in her mind as she listens to Santana’s steady breathing.

But things like girlfriends in New York and equations at MIT seem so far away when she’s here in Lima falling asleep with Santana’s arms around her waist.

When Santana kisses her forehead before she leaves the next day, Brittany wishes she could tell her to break up with her girlfriend.

“I can’t come to Schue’s memorial,” Brittany tells her instead with a frown. “There’s this seminar I can’t miss.”

“We’ll miss you,” Santana promises, disappointment tugging at her features.

_ I’ll miss you _ is what Brittany hears instead.

She hugs Santana extra tight one last time and hopes her best friend knows it means  _ I’ll miss you more. _

* * *

Ending her first few months of college - if she can even call it that considering she didn’t take any actual classes - and coming back home to Lima is a sigh of relief that Brittany’s been waiting for.

She didn’t think she’d ever miss the way people never really expected much out of her besides a few good dance moves and questionable comments, but she soaks it in almost immediately. Who would’ve ever thought that finally being looked at as a genius was a bad thing? But even when she’s not  _ at _ MIT, she’s been there long enough to where her brain is just  _ math math math _ all the time. She finds herself working out equations when she’s not doing anything, and her parents even come check on her one night when she doesn’t come down for dinner to find papers all over her room as she scribbles away.

Glee club being canceled is just another thing that weighs heavily on her chest, but the sight of all her old friends - of  _ Santana _ \- in the choir room again mixed with the newer members, she’s able to forget about math for a moment. 

“Hey Funny Girl,” Brittany grins teasingly when they sit next to each other.

Santana laughs, not even bothering to point out she’s the understudy. “Hey, math genius.”

Brittany grins and even though there is a bittersweet feeling in her chest, she is grateful that all her people are back together again, especially when Quinn greets them both with an uncharacteristic hug.

But for the first time in her life, when Brittany dances with Quinn and Santana, she  _ thinks _ while she dances.

Brittany has never had to think when it comes to dance. She’s always just  _ done _ it, as simple as talking or walking or like, breathing. Dance is the one place where she was never expected to think; it just came naturally to her like learning to walk. This time, though, she thinks about numbers and timing and can’t help but notice when she’s just a  _ little _ bit off during the bridge while Santana and Quinn nail it flawlessly.

She tries to explain this to Santana, but her best friend just laughs like she’s being ridiculous.

“What are you talking about? You’re the most amazing dancer I’ve ever met.”

And usually, that would make Brittany feel better, but she’s still really pissed about being off - she’s supposed to be the best dancer out of the three of them - and goes back to thinking about quantitative algorithms because at least those she can figure out.

There are things she wants to do, like tell Santana she’s still in love with her and tell her how much she hates MIT, but she can’t seem to find the words or ask for help.

It’s okay though, because Santana figures it out. She’s always known Brittany better than anyone else. And she knows Brittany can’t say no, not when Santana’s singing Valerie and dancing with Mike Chang as if she knows the dance by heart - which, she kind of does because Brittany had forced her to practice with her when Mike was busy. 

It feels like years ago now, but it’s only been a little over two.

They were both secretly terrified of performing then, of finally getting their big break, but they were doing it  _ together _ and all they had to do was look out at each other on stage and it was all okay. 

Brittany feels the same way now with Santana and Mike looking at her pointedly and Quinn playfully tugging at her jacket until she’s finally shrugging it off to sing and dance along.

This time, she doesn’t think. It’s like second nature again, and Brittany feels so free. She can’t wipe the dumb smile off her face and she can’t stop looking at Santana, even when Mike and Jake pull them away to dance. She just keeps her eyes on Santana, and it feels a lot like that year’s sectionals, where they knew they had each other’s backs no matter what happened on that stage.

Santana’s looking at her with the biggest smile at the end as she says, “See? This is who you are. This is what happens when you don’t think about it.”

Brittany gives her a shy smile as everyone starts to follow Puck to the auditorium. “It felt good.”

“Of course it did,” Santana laughs like there was no other acceptable answer.

She throws an arm around Brittany, leading them to the auditorium to catch up with everyone else, and Brittany realizes nothing ever feels quite right without Santana by her side.

* * *

She doesn’t think about kissing Santana. Brittany just instinctually wants to do it, so she does. She doesn’t even consider the fact her mouth will definitely taste the churros they’re eating.

Santana has a girlfriend and Brittany needs to pull away, but  _ god _ she’d be lying if she didn’t miss the way their lips fit together.

“O-okay,” Santana says, pulling away in an attempt to gain control of the situation. “This is a bad idea.”

It’s only when Santana says it that Brittany realizes what she’s doing, a guilty look crowding her features as she shrinks back into her seat. It’s awkwardly silent between them for a moment, and Brittany  _ knows _ Santana has a girlfriend but she is positive that the past few days haven’t just been pure nostalgia.

Nothing has made more sense to her than Santana Lopez, math equations be damned.

“It feels really good to be around you,” she admits. “You make me feel like a girl again, like my body wakes up.”

Santana looks away. “Please don’t do this, okay? I have worked my ass off to get over you.”

Brittany  _ would _ feel bad about it, except she doesn’t. She doesn’t because after all she’s been through this year, one thing is for sure: they belong together. So she stands up, giving Santana the physical space she probably needs before spinning around to face her.

“I really want to be with you, Santana,” she states clearly. “I’ve seen the world and I’m sure now more than ever that I belong with you.”

She’s a little surprised when Santana doesn’t interrupt, eyes on her intently.

So she adds, “And I’m sure your girlfriend’s great, but you can’t recreate what you and I have.”

Santana stares at her for a second, and she opens her mouth to say something but no words come out. Brittany knows she’s asking for a lot here, that  _ Santana has a girlfriend, _ but she also knows she’s right.

So she leans in and leaves a soft kiss on the brunette’s cheek. She doesn’t miss the way Santana’s eyes flicker down to her lips when she pulls away.

“If you want me, I’m here,” she reminds her before she’s leaving the room.

Brittany knows in the deepest of her guts that she and Santana are  _ it. _

She doesn’t mind waiting until Santana understands that, too.

* * *

When Santana stands close to her, shoulders touching when they gather with their old friends in the auditorium, Brittany bites back a smile.

She’s pretty sure Santana is beginning to understand.

* * *

Santana breaks up with Dani over the phone the next day.

Brittany tries not to sound  _ too _ excited about it.

(She totally fails, but she does look at least a  _ little _ sad when Santana tells her it wasn’t a pretty breakup by any means.)

They’re not back together, not yet, but Brittany thinks she’s got a little bit more patience left in her. She always does when it comes to Santana.

* * *

They have always kept each other honest. Well, if not honest, they’ve always been able to call it like they see it with each other - in most cases, at least.

“Brittany, I love you,” Santana says, her eyes taking in the lilies as she leads them to the couch.

Brittany bites her lip to hide a smile. It’s not the first time she’s heard Santana say it, not by a long shot, but there is something warm that shoots up her system when she hears it for the first time in so long.

“But running away with me and living on a lesbian island is not what you want to do,” Santana continues as she takes a seat. “You just don’t want to go back to MIT.”

Santana is wrong and Brittany knows it. Brittany from two years ago would’ve probably said nothing and let Santana go on, but MIT Brittany knows better.

They sit there in the choir room that has been set up as the background of so many of their best and worst memories, and talk about dreams and walking away and doing what makes them happy. It ends with Santana cuddling against Brittany’s side as Brittany runs her fingers up and down the skin of Santana’s arm. It’s been so long since they’ve been like this, and Brittany wants to savor the moment as best she can.

“You really are a genius,” Santana murmurs.

“I’m just the world’s foremost expert in the field of Santana Lopez,” Brittany responds cheekily, doing the spanish accent she always used to tease her best friend with.

It gets a laugh out of Santana, and Brittany can’t hold her smile back this time, not when she feels Santana’s laugh vibrate against her side.

“So, what do you want to do?”

Santana doesn’t respond right away, but Brittany doesn’t expect her to. She listens to the steady breathing beside her, fingers still running up and down Santanan’s arm, and waits. It’s almost like she can feel the gears turning in the other girl’s mind. Brittany knows that deep down, being on Broadway doesn’t even make Santana the slightest bit happy - show tunes? Totally not her style at all - but she waits to hear what Santana decides.

The answer she gets is something she doesn’t expect at all.

“I want to kiss you.”

Brittany turns her head to face her. Santana is pulling away from her side to look up at her with wide and slightly nervous eyes.

“Yeah?” Brittany breathes out, her stomach tightening in anticipation.

She’s been waiting for something like this all week, since she kissed Santana the other day, but now that Santana is here and she wants Brittany just like Brittany wants her, it almost feels too real.

Santana nods, sure of herself as she licks her lips. “Yeah.”

“Okay.”

There is a beat and then Santana leans in and Brittany almost lets out a sigh of relief against her lips. She is quickly reaching out and cupping one of Santana’s cheeks in her hand to steady them as they kiss again and again. 

Somehow, it feels like the first time all over again. They kiss like they are nervous and unsure and so terribly afraid of screwing it up.

The first time they ever kiss, they tell each other it doesn’t mean anything.

This time when they kiss, they know it means everything.

When they come up for air, Brittany grins as she takes in Santana’s pink cheeks and her soft smile and the way her eyes are shining like they used to do all the time around her.

“I missed you,” Santana whispers. “So much.”

“I know,” Brittany tells her, gently pushing stray hairs away from Santana’s face. “I love you, Santana.”

Santana’s entire face lights up. “I love you, too.”

Brittany kisses the smile off her face and maybe it turns into a makeout session in the choir room, but it’s not like they never did that before.

“Has anyone seen - woah!”

Brittany jumps at the sound of an intruder - which she realizes a second later is Quinn, halfway in the room and halfway out with wide eyes - but Santana doesn’t even bat an eyelash. The brunette just slowly sits up and scowls at Quinn.

“Relax Fabray, it’s not like you haven’t seen it all before,” Santana quips, running her hands through her hair.

Quinn rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “Feel like I’m back in high school right now.”

“Well, technically we’re in high school right now,” Brittany provides. “We’re at McKinley.”

Quinn gives her a look and Santana offers a soft chuckle and that small, endearing smile she always wears when she finds one of Brittany’s comments amusing.

“Whipped,” Quinn coughs behind her hand as she walks towards them.

“Don’t you have a uniformed punk to make out with?” Santana snaps, but it lacks her usual bite because the stupid smile is on her face and Brittany kind of loves everything about this moment with her two best friends.

Quinn narrows her eyes at the brunette. “That’s who I was looking for before I found you two deliquints acting like horny teenagers in here.”

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy the show,” Santana bites.

“Trust me, I didn’t,” Quinn deadpans.

“Whatever Q,” Santana scoffs, standing from the couch and reaching out to offer Brittany her hand.

Pleased that Santana has no witty comeback, Quinn’s expression softens just a little.

“You know, I think we all secretly knew you’d find your way back to each other.”

Brittany beams, squeezing Santana’s hand in her own.

At least Quinn’s known what they’ve figured out. It would’ve been nice if she could’ve like, you know, told them.

(It’s fine, they figured it out now and that’s what matters.)

* * *

Santana is like, the best girlfriend ever.

Of course, Brittany’s always known this, but Santana does a really good job of reminding her over the course of the next week. Being with Santana feels like they haven’t lost any time at all. Now that Santana quit Funny Girl as well as her waitressing job at the diner, she’s in no real rush to go back to New York. So they stay in Lima for a week, taking turns staying over at each other’s houses and it almost feels like they’re back in high school, where nothing else really mattered but each other.

Waking up to Santana every morning is Brittany’s favorite thing and she wonders how she went so long without it.

They go to dinner at Breadstix three times in a span of a week and it feels weird being there together not wearing Cheerios uniforms, but Brittany still orders a shrimp cocktail and they’re holding hands on the table  _ without _ a napkin to hide it and it all kind of feels perfect.

What’s even  _ more _ perfect is the moment when Brittany hears Sue Sylvester call her name at graduation, and when she turns to Santana, her girlfriend isn’t the slightest bit surprised. Instead, she’s wearing a knowing smile.

“I called in some favors with Sue,” Santana explains as she places a graduation cap on her head. “I figured everyone deserves a high school graduation, even if it’s a year late.”

Brittany’s heart grows infinitely big in that moment, but she doesn’t have much time to really process what’s happening. Santana is kissing her cheek before Mike helps Brittany put a gown on and she’s walking onto the stage as a  _ graduate. _ Coach Sylvester and Mr. Schuester look at her fondly, maybe even proudly, and when Brittany looks out into the crowd her parents are going crazy and Santana is the proudest-looking girlfriend she’s ever seen.

In the back of her mind, Brittany thinks back to the days when everyone told her she was stupid, when she failed her first senior year, when no one thought she’d find her way out.

What a difference a year makes. The only thing that’s managed to stay the same? Santana is by her side.

Her friends all tackle her with hugs when she joins them and she feels so happy she could cry. This is how she finds herself in the bathroom alone, moments after the ceremony. She spends an embarrassing amount of time staring at herself in the mirror, taking in the cap and gown.

She thinks of her first day on the Cheerios and all the chaos she, Santana and Quinn caused in those uniforms. She thinks of glee club and how all those people she’d never even seen in her life before became her closest friends. She thinks of singing duets and dancing on cafeteria tables with Santana. She thinks of being class president and winning show choir nationals and learning how to say goodbye.

The door swings open and Brittany is pulled out of her nostalgia to find Santana with a nervous expression at the door. It looks like the one she wears when there is something she hasn’t told Brittany, like she’s afraid of how Brittany will react.

Brittany’s chest squeezes uncomfortably.

“Brittany, I have to tell you something,” Santana says, standing in front of her. “I think I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Brittany’s stomach drops.

“You don’t want to run away with me, do you?” she guesses, and saying it out loud sucks a lot more than thinking it in the back of her mind.

Santana gives her a look. “What? No no no no,” she assures her stepping towards her. “Of  _ course _ I do.”

There is a silent sigh of relief inside Brittany and she smiles, taking in the way Santana is smiling at the thought of running away together. She explains that Lesbos is actually  _ not _ an island full of lesbians - which, maybe Brittany should’ve looked that up before, but who cares, she was just trying to get the love of her life back - but in classic Santana fashion, she already has a plan up her sleeve, proving once again to be the best girlfriend ever.

And when home means New York, Brittany lights up. The big, dorky smile on her face is inevitable and she feels warm all over because  _ Santana wants her to move to New York with her. _ It’s in this moment that Brittany realizes all of it is real. She graduated and is about to go on a long vacation with her girlfriend before they move in together.

Brittany thinks she’s got the perfect life.

“Is that a yes?” Santana asks, hopeful.

Brittany beams at her. “Yes.”

Santana lets out a sweet chuckle before she’s leaning in and giving her a soft and chaste kiss. Brittany hugs her so tight that she knows Santana won’t forget how much she loves her any time soon.

* * *

Being on vacation with Santana is like getting to know each other all over again.

Brittany realizes that it’s the little things she missed about being with Santana the most - like how Santana plays with her hair when she zones out or runs her fingers along Brittany’s skin when she’s thinking really hard about something. She particularly missed when Santana murmured _ I love you  _ in a quiet breath when they go to bed, even if she thinks Brittany is asleep.

Without the distractions of MIT or New York or even McKinley and their friends, it’s honestly the first time they’re really  _ together _ without any pressure whatsoever. Brittany sees a new side of Santana, so carefree and blissfully unaware of anything else happening in the world that it makes Brittany’s small heart burst with joy because all she’s ever wanted is for Santana to look as happy as she does now.

Santana looks at her like she’s the best thing to ever grace this earth - better than the breadsticks from Breadstix, even - and it fills Brittany’s insides with so much warmth and love that she thinks she might explode if Santana keeps looking at her like that.

(She wouldn’t mind if she explodes, though. She just hopes Santana never stops looking at her like that.)

“Hey.”

Brittany turns her head to look at Santana, dressed in nothing more than a red bikini with oversized sunglasses covering her face. She’s wearing a goofy-looking grin, one Brittany has only ever seen directed at her, and immediately she smiles back.

“Hi you,” Brittany sighs happily.

“What are you thinking about?” Santana asks curiously. “You’ve got your thinking look on.”

Brittany lets out a soft giggle. She loves that Santana knows the ins and outs of her better than she knows herself.

“You,” she answers without hesitation. “And like, how awesome it is we’re on vacation super far away from all the less awesome people we know.”

Santana laughs, nodding in agreement. “It is pretty awesome, isn’t it?”

“I’m also thinking about how much I missed you when we were apart,” Brittany continues thoughtfully. “And how I’m really happy I don’t have to miss everything about you anymore because we’re here.”

Something in Santana’s features soften - Brittany can tell even behind her sunglasses - and then there is silence. Santana just looks at her carefully and Brittany closes her eyes and feels the sun on her skin. She thinks it’s the end of the conversation, but Santana’s voice surprises her.

“I’m sorry we broke up.”

Brittany opens her eyes to find Santana, sunglasses pushed up on top of her head, looking at her so sincerely it throws her off for a moment. With a frown, she pushes her own sunglasses out of her eyes and sits up a little.

“Honey, you don’t have to apologize. We’re past that now. You did what you thought was best for us,” Brittany explains, reaching out and caressing the soft skin of Santana’s cheek. “You were always looking out for us, for me.”

It was over a year ago, though at times it feels like a lifetime to Brittany. She knows Santana was afraid of ruining it all, and even though it did hurt a lot, Brittany isn’t too upset about how they’ve ended up.

Santana, however, shakes her head at Brittany’s response. “It was so stupid and if I hadn’t done it, we wouldn’t have spent so much time missing each other, you know?”

Brittany feels her heart squeeze and she does her best to hide her smile. Santana’s eyes are full of regret and sadness, and  _ this _ side of Santana never fails to make Brittany’s heart ache. Sitting up, she leans over and tucks a stray hair behind Satana’s ear.

“Breaking up really sucked, but I think we needed to be apart for a little, even if deep down we didn’t want to be,” Brittany tells her honestly. When Santana tilts her head in a ridiculously adorable way, she continues, “We both grew a lot and learned about ourselves and became better people for each other, don’t you think?”

Santana looks at her in awe and understanding, like she’s just said the most intelligent thing that anyone’s ever said. It’s not like how anyone at MIT looked at her, like they were more interested in getting answers out of her than anything else. No, it’s softer and her eyes are filled with so many emotions at once that neither of them can quite keep up. Brittany feels like Santana gets it right away, like it’s not until Brittany laid it all in front of her that it made sense.

“We were just waiting for the right time,” Brittany concludes. “And now’s the right time.”

The corners of Santana’s lips turn up into a smile, one of the ones where Santana’s dimples make their appearance and her eyes squint in the cutest way.

“You, Brittany S. Pierce, are a genius,” Santana tells her, leaning over and landing a chaste kiss against Brittany’s lips. “How did I get so lucky, having such an awesome girlfriend?”

“By being equally as awesome,” Brittany answers in a  _ duh _ voice, but her eyes are shining and she’s smiling like an idiot because she has the exact same question for herself.

Santana lets out a loud and carefree laugh before she’s leaning over and practically sitting in Brittany’s lap, kissing her silly on the beach.

Brittany forgave Santana a long time ago.

She was just waiting for Santana to forgive herself.

* * *

Dropping out of MIT before she even really started, running away on a dream vacation with Santana and coming back without a plan isn’t really what Brittany thought post-grad life would look like. Not that she’s complaining, of course. But going on  _ tour _ with Mercedes? Well, it’s just really hard to wrap her head around.

Sure, Brittany’s always loved dancing and she’s good at it and, when she was younger, she used to compete and have recitals and all that, but this is like, the real thing. This is like, Mercedes is very much on her way to becoming somebody and she wants  _ Brittany _ of all people as a backup dancer and Brittany’s girlfriend is also coming on tour to sing with Mercedes.

It’s something she can’t fully comprehend until their first performance in Los Angeles. Brittany’s doing that thing again, the thing where she gets all nervous and closes in on herself and starts pacing back and forth with no signs of stopping.

“Girl you’re good,” Merecedes assures her as they get ready in some dingy mall storage closet. “You’re easily the best dancer I know. You are gonna kill it.”

Brittany shakes her head, still pacing as she wrings her hands together. “But what if I fall? Or if I mess up the choreography? I don’t want to go viral for that. It’ll totally ruin my rep for Fondue for Two.”

Mercedes snorts fondly, shaking her head as she places a hand on Brittany’s arm. Brittany looks up from her shoes and at her friend, trying to relax when she sees that encouraging smile.

“You’re so talented, Brittany. I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if I didn’t think you could do it.”

Brittany offers her a small smile, feeling the tiniest bit better.

“Thanks, I just wish…” she starts, drifting off when Mercedes gives her a knowing look.

“We’ll see your girl soon,” Mercedes promises. “And then all three of us will be on tour together.”

Someone calls the singer for some last minute prep, and with a supportive squeeze of Brittany’s arm, Mercedes walks off, leaving Brittany alone with her nerves. The dancer paces back and forth for a few more seconds before she lets out a groan and digs through her bag until she finds her phone, wasting no time before she’s pressing it up against her ear.

“ _ Hi Britt-Britt. _ ”

The sound of her voice alone is enough for Brittany to let out a quiet sigh of relief. She can feel Santana’s smile and the way her eyes are lit up from here.

“San,” she breathes out quietly, closing her eyes and picturing Santana here with her and not so far away.

Santana picks up on her tone right away.

“ _ Babe, what’s wrong? _ ” she asks, and Brittany can picture the way her lips turn into a slight frown. “ _ You’re supposed to go on stage soon, aren’t you? _ ”

“I’m so nervous.”

It comes out as a whisper, eyes still closed as she admits this to her girlfriend over the phone. The distance between them is more obvious than ever right now, and Brittany aches for Santana’s touch, something that’ll instantly calm the nerves.

“ _ Oh Britt, _ ” Santana murmurs in a soft and knowing tone that makes Brittany long for her even more. “ _ You are the best dancer I have ever met. This is going to be a walk in the park. Dancing’s like, in your blood. _ ”

Brittany smiles at that just a little. “You think so?”

She can practically hear the way Santana grins confidently when she answers, “ _ Totally, I know so. Brittany S. Pierce, you are going to kill it. _ ”

The smile on her face grows so wide Brittany’s cheeks hurt, but she can’t help it. Neither of them speak for the next moment, but they don’t have to. She knows Santana is smiling just as hard as she is on the other end of the line.

“I can’t wait to see you,” Brittany tells her, clutching the phone harder in her hands.

A sigh falls from Santana’s lips. “ _ I’m counting down the days. You’ll be in Reno before you know it. _ ”

And it’s hard, doing this long distance thing when they’ve finally established a rhythm of being together again, but Brittany knows Santana will be waiting for her with bright eyes and a soft kiss and everything will be okay. It’s been the longest two weeks of her life, but she’ll wait it out, just a little longer because she knows it’s worth it.

Santana is  _ always _ worth it.

“I’ll be thinking of you when I dance,” Brittany tells her, a goofy smile on her face that she wishes Santana could see.

“ _ I’ll be there in spirit, _ ” Santana tells her. “ _ Now go, I can’t have Wheezy on my ass because you’re running late. _ ”

Brittany laughs, feeling completely relaxed before adrenaline buzz kicks in. “Okay, okay. I love you.”

“ _ I love you, too. Knock ‘em dead, babe. _ ”

* * *

Being back in Lima, specifically back at McKinley Williams High School, feels like a weird trip of nostalgia. On one hand, it feels like a lifetime ago that Brittany walked these halls every day, but on the other hand - especially while they’re helping Rachel recruit members for glee club - it feels like just yesterday she and Santana were singing and dancing their lives away in that little choir room, falling in love and hurting each other again and again.

It’s particularly nostalgic at the homecoming bonfire, Santana and Brittany pulling each other along much like the days they’d drag each other down the halls, red skirts flitting around as they giggled and acted like they owned the place.

“Thank you guys so much for coming back,” Rachel gushes to Santana and Brittany at one point, surrounded by all their old friends and their new glee club members. “I know you’ve been busy with vacation and then touring with Mercedes and now finding a new place in New York.”

“We couldn’t let you embarrass yourself in  _ Lima _ in all places,” Santana teases over Brittany’s shoulder, but there’s no real bite behind her words.

Brittany leans back into Santana’s arms, her hands placed on top of Santana’s that lay on her stomach as she adds, “It’s kind of nice to actually be in one place for more than a few days.”

Rachel beams at both of them and Brittany can practically  _ feel _ Santana’s smile behind her and everything just feels really, really right.

Santana has spent practically all night holding Brittany - which Brittany doesn’t mind at  _ all _ \- while they catch up with all their old friends and laugh about the good old days and relive some of their best memories. Santana even talks to Rachel’s new glee members, sharing stories about a high school version of Rachel that has the mentioned brunette coming over and insisting Santana is making it all up. Brittany notices the way her girlfriend moves with an ease she hadn’t had a few years ago, how she doesn’t stop smiling the whole night and she even hugs Rachel a time or two -  _ and _ she doesn’t snap at Quinn once.

It is such a stark comparison to the Santana who joined glee club, the Santana who pushed everything and everyone - even Brittany at one point - away. Santana still moves with confidence she’s always had, but Brittany knows that the Santana holding her right now is so comfortable with herself and with everyone around her, there is no more front to put up before.

Her girlfriend is a  _ total _ sap when it comes to these people, and she loves it.

“Actually,” Rachel starts. “Would you guys mind staying another week? I know you have to worry about moving and all that, but I’d love if at least some people could stay for the first week of glee club, show them how it’s done?”

Before Brittany can even formulate a response that isn’t a flat out no, Santana surprises Brittany by answering without hesitation.

“Yeah, sure we can.”

Rachel squeals in approval before she is quickly turning to Quinn and Puck to probably ask them the same question.

Brittany turns her head to face Santana, an amused look on her features. Santana quirks an eyebrow.

“What?”

A slow and playful smile finds its way to Brittany’s lips as she replies, “You love this stupid glee club and Rachel Berry.”

Santana snorts. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just don’t mind being home for a little, that’s all.”

“Santana,” Brittany says knowingly, the smile only growing on her face as Santana tries to play it off.

“Brittany,” her girlfriend mimics.

Brittany spins around in her arms so their bodies face each other and even in the dimly lit firelight, she can see the way Santana is flushing just a little and she can’t quite meet her eyes. She thinks Santana might be hiding something, another reason she isn’t trying to high tail it out of Ohio, but she sets that aside for now.

“Come on,” she prods, playfully pinching Santana’s side. “You’re the one who suggested we sing backup for Rodney’s audition  _ and _ you brought those two Cheerio twins to the glee club. You like leading the new generation of New Directions.”

Santana rolls her eyes, but she’s fighting so hard to keep a smile off her face. She doesn’t dignify Brittany’s points with an answer, only twisting her lips to hide her smile. Brittany kind of loves it.

“I think it’s sweet,” Brittany hums, pulling Santana closer against her. “You have the biggest heart.”

Santana feigns a scowl. “Don’t tell people that. I have a reputation to maintain, you know.”

Brittany laughs. “Honey, I don’t think any of our friends are fooled by your reputation these days.”

Santana lets out a petulant scoff and Brittany can’t help it anymore, leaning in and kissing her girlfriend softly to make up for her teasing. She feels Santana smile against her lips before kissing her back sweetly.

_ This _ is the version of Santana she’s always known, the one where she loves those she cares about so fiercely, going to the ends of the earth for them. She’s known this version of Santana since they met, a side that Santana never hesitated in showing her. She’s just happy everyone else knows this side of her now, too.

Brittany has been there, patient and understanding, as Santana let her walls down for each of their friends, slowly but surely.

* * *

Santana’s been acting off all morning and Brittany can’t put a finger on what it is.

It’s like she’s anxious and excited all at the same time, but Brittany can’t tell why. It sucks because Brittany has gotten extremely good at figuring out the  _ why _ of Santana’s moods over the years before even having to ask. She wonders if last night’s talk about college and loving each other until infinity might have freaked her girlfriend out, but it’s not like they haven’t had similar talks before.

Still, Brittany wonders if it’s getting a little too real for Santana now. They’ve lived in sort of a fairytale state with vacation and touring and now helping Rachel save glee club that they haven’t really focused much on what comes after this.

“You’re being really weird,” Brittany tells her over breakfast.

Santana’s eyes snap up to hers and she frowns. “No I’m not.”

Brittany gives her a look. “You totally are. You’re like, extra jumpy and also you won’t stop moving. Is this about last night? What we talked about?”

At first, Santana’s face scrunches up in confusion, but then the realization dawns on her and she’s immediately dropping her half-eaten bagel to pull Brittany’s hands into hers.

“No no no,” she insists, squeezing Brittany’s hands gently. “God, no. I meant what I said last night, all of it. Until infinity, remember?”

Brittany’s shoulders drop in relief at the reassurance Santana is giving her with those big, honest eyes. She smiles just a little.

“Until infinity,” Brittany confirms with a nod. “Which I understand because I’m a math genius.”

Santana beams at her. “ _ My _ math genius.”

“Proudly yours,” Brittany grins at her.

Santana hums in approval, unable to keep the smile off her face before she leans in and kisses her softly. Brittany hopes kissing Santana like this never gets old.

“Wait, that still doesn’t explain why you’re being all weird,” Brittany points out when they pull apart.

Santana shrugs, turning back to her breakfast as she responds, “I’m just really excited for our duet today.”

Brittany doesn’t buy it. “Are you really?”

“Oh come on,” Santana insists, looking at her girlfriend with a smirk. “Someone has to show those kids that Lady Hummel and Berry had actual talent around them when they won nationals.”

Her comment earns an eye roll from Brittany, but she’s smiling at the comment anyway.

“And plus, singing with you in that choir room? One of my favorite things to do,” Santana adds around a mouthful of bagel, her eyes so bright that Brittany decides to let her weird attitude slide.

Instead she presses a kiss to Santana’s cheek and pours them both a cup of coffee, reveling in the way Santana’s eyes don’t leave her the entire time.

* * *

Okay, maybe they’re a  _ little _ late to glee club because - well, you can’t blame Brittany for making out with Santana in the front seat of her car after having Santana sing to her the entire ride there while holding her hand. But who cares, Rachel can’t start without them anyway.

“Well now that you’re both here,” Rachel tells them when they stroll into the choir room. “We can get started.”

Santana smirks at her before throwing a wink to the new members. “This is how it’s done, kids.”

Rachel rolls her eyes fondly. Kurt lets out a soft scoff. Quinn gives a warm, knowing smile. Brittany doesn’t pay attention to any of these things. She just notices the way Santana’s eyes light up with something Brittany can’t name, and how the smile doesn’t leave Santana’s face even when she starts singing.

Singing with Santana is probably, like, her favorite thing in the world - other than Santana herself, of course. They move around the choir room and each other with ease, unable to keep the smiles off their faces even as they belt out the words. Brittany kind of forgets everyone else is in the room; it’s hard to remember when Santana’s looking at her with so much adoration and happiness that Brittany is sure her heart will explode right here in this choir room.

The room erupts in applause and Brittany feels so full in this moment. Somehow they’ve come full circle, and she absolutely loves every bit of it.

“And that is how a mashup is done everyone,” Rachel announces proudly.

“No actually this is,” Santana quickly adds in, turning to face Brittany. “Britt, can you take a seat?”

Santana looks all kinds of excited, but Brittany sees the nervous smile on her lips. With a soft “okay,” Brittany does as she’s told, giving Santana a hesitant smile back.

“So,” Santana begins with a deep breath. “I figured that this is a good a place as any to ask you this question, mainly because it’s going all the single guys and gals in here, but I want to mash up with you forever, Britt.”

Brittany’s kind of confused, but she smiles what she hopes is an encouraging and agreeable smile. Her heart warms when Santana gives her a small smile back before she continues.

“Some people love someone because they make them a better person and that’s not why I love you. You’ve always just wanted me to be myself,” Santana continues, her eyes shining in a way Brittany doesn’t recognize. “You’re my favorite person in the world and we’re a big deal, you know? No matter how many times we try to put our thing down and walk away we can’t because I don’t want to live my life without my one true love.”

Brittany softens at Santana’s admission, trying not to melt over how her girlfriend is being so open and honest with her in front of everyone else. She’s loved Santana more than anything else in this world for years now; she’s happy her friends get to see why. She can tell Santana’s still nervous though, because the word vomit comes out of her and she starts to talk fast, but Brittany still looks at her adoringly.

“I usually use a lot of words when I’m saying something negative so since this is the most positive thing I’m ever going to do…”

Brittany gasps when one of the band members is handing Santana a little red box. She sits up a little straight and has to stop from pinching herself to make sure this is real.

“I’m going to keep it simple,” Santana concludes

Brittany’s jaw drops and she looks past Santana at her friends for a moment, seeing the way just about everyone else is mirroring her expression in some form. Her eyes shift back to Santana, who looks like a jumbled mess of emotions, but she’s smiling through it all as she gets down on one knee.

“Brittany S. Pierce, will you marry me?”

The box pops up and Brittany covers her mouth with her hands because she cannot believe this is happening right now. The actual love of her life is here, in this choir room, down on one knee, asking her to spend the rest of her lives together.

Brittany’s never dreamed about falling in love or what her big wedding day would look like, but she’s dreamed of knowing Santana her whole life the way she always has.

She doesn’t register Rodney and Puck’s exchange, too busy trying not to let tears well up in her eyes as she stares at Santana and the pretty ring before her.

Brittany nods, reaching out and taking the ring for herself and placing it on her hands as she says the first thought that comes to her mind.

“Oh my god, I would love to.”

Santana’s eyes are so wide, brimming with happiness as she jumps up from the floor.

“Really?” she asks as if she can’t quite believe it.

“I would love to,” Brittany repeats - mainly because her brain can’t think of any other words at the moment - before squeezing her eyes so tears don’t come out as Santana wraps her arms around her.

Brittany wraps her arms around Santana’s shoulders tightly, pulling her close. Santana is laughing into her shoulder and Brittany wants to cry because they’ve come so far from where they started. She presses a kiss to Santana’s hair while all their friends clap excitedly.

“I love you,” Brittany whispers brightly into Santana’s ear. “Until infinity.”

She’s so happy that even Kurt’s stupid outburst isn’t enough to sour her mood, not when there’s a pretty ring on her finger and Santana’s arm is around her back protectively. She’s  _ home _ when she’s with Santana, who has accepted and protected and loved her since they met.

Before she knows it Quinn is immediately throwing herself into her two best friends, laughing as they all hug. Tina quickly joins the group and soon everyone is crowding around and cooing over her ring and saying congratulations, but Santana is looking at Brittany like she her whole  _ life _ has been made and nothing else in the world can compare to this.

* * *

“How long were you planning this?” Brittany asks Santana as they crawl into bed, her eyes unable to tear away from the shiny metal on her finger.

“A while,” Santana admits slyly. “There was a lot of texting back and forth with Quinn about the ring while we were on tour.”

Brittany looks up, smiling at Santana brightly. “Quinn knew?”

Santana chuckles softly. “Yeah, she helped with the ring and also kept me sane. Shopping for the biggest purchase of your life is kind of stressful.”

“Well, it’s the most perfect ring I’ve ever seen,” Brittany gushes, then something in her mind clicks. She looks at her fiancee curiously and asks, “This is why you didn’t mind staying in Lima for another week, isn’t it?”

Santana grows shy, cheeks flushing just a little as she nods. “It worked out perfectly.”

Brittany beams, feeling like she’s finally cracked the code.

“You wanted to propose in the choir room,” she continues eagerly. “Because that’s where we fell in love.”

Santana nods again, a shy smile on her face. “That’s where our biggest moments have almost always happened, you know? I thought we’d add one last moment in that room before we start a new chapter.”

Brittany sighs contentedly, leaning over so she’s in Santana’s face. “I love you so much, Santana. Everything is perfect when I’m with you.”

The way Santana looks at her, so full of pure adoration and happiness, practically bursting at the seams, sends tingles all over Brittany’s body. She faintly remembers the days she’d wish Santana would look at her like this, without clouding her features.

A long time ago, here in Brittany’s bedroom, things got complicated.

But Brittany was good at waiting, and waiting again when it counted, all for  _ this, _ for what she and Santana have now.

“I love you, Britt-Britt,” she murmurs before she kisses Brittany until they both forget how to breathe.

* * *

Some people would say getting married before turning twenty-two is kind of insane, but Brittany doesn’t care. Neither does Santana, or her parents, or really any of their friends. Santana is the one constant in her life she can count on, and Brittany is positive there is no one else in the world that she can love as much as she loves her.

It comes together quickly and perfectly, and it takes a lot of help from their friends who most certainly are doing all this work for  _ free _ because they love them very much and also because Santana might rip someone’s finger off if they refuse, but Brittany can’t wait to be Santana’s  _ wife _ and be  _ married. _

And  _ because _ she wants everything to go perfectly, Brittany may or may not turn into a Bridezilla as the wedding nears.

(She gets to marry  _ Santana Lopez _ for crying out loud, can anyone blame her for needing everything to be perfect?)

Nothing seems right, everything seems off and all she wants to do is marry Santana. As if it can’t get any worse, Santana sees her in her wedding dress which is like  _ super _ bad luck so Brittany is like, pretty sure they are doomed.

“Stop worrying about the dress thing,” Santana tells her a few nights before the wedding. “Seriously, Britt, you’re going to get worry lines on your forehead.”

“It’s bad luck!” Brittany groans, flopping back onto the bed.

Santana rolls her eyes, turning so she’s facing Brittany. “We’re going to be fine, okay?”

“But how do you know?”

Santana waits until Brittany looks up at her, a small smile on her face as she explains, “Because the two most awesome people in the world get to marry each other.”

Brittany lets out a soft giggle at that. Santana’s smile widens in response.

She adds, “And because I’ll love you until infinity, no matter what happens, I’m just so happy I get to call you my wife soon.”

Her words do enough to soothe Brittany’s worries. Santana  _ does _ have a point, how can she freak out about the dress when Santana is still here, eyes filled with all the love in the world for  _ her _ of all people? It’s all a younger Brittany S. Pierce had always wanted, and now she has it.

“You are the best wife ever,” Brittany tells her, leaning up a little to give Santana a quick kiss.

“I’m not a wife yet,” Santana reminds her with a smirk.

Brittany gives her a grin. “Yeah, but you’re still the best wife ever.”

Santana laughs, fitting into Brittany’s side where Brittany is sure a Santana-sized space has always existed.

And Santana’s right, they end up being fine - even  _ more _ than fine. Because Santana is right, even more so when she reminds Brittany just mere minutes before they walk down the aisle that they’ve always made their own luck.

Every situation they’ve found themselves in, they’ve always found a way to make it out.

She thinks of linked pinkies and red Cheerios skirts, Fleetwood Mac and Adele, kissing in the hallway with confetti falling and saying goodbye, crying in the choir room alone to dancing together again with all their friends one last time - all of it has led to this, right here.

“I love you so much,” Brittany tells her after she pulls away from their kiss.

Santana is smiling up at her like she is the only thing matters in the world, and Brittany seriously thinks she’s living in a fairytale.

She feels that way the rest of the day - when Sue manages to bring Santana’s abuela, when Blaine and Kurt agree to the double wedding, when she’s standing in front of all the people she loves, telling Santana how and why she loves her for everyone to hear.

There is so much more she can say, so many more reasons to list why she loves the woman in front of her, but Santana knows it all from the hurt and the pain and frustration they’ve both endured over the years. She knows because despite it all, Santana still looks at her like she did when they were seventeen and on the verge of beginning the rest of their lives. 

Santana’s “I do” is the sweetest confirmation Brittany has ever heard.

Because a long time ago, Santana was a scared teenager who was afraid of loving her best friend, afraid of what people might think.

Now, Santana’s spending the rest of her life with Brittany, proudly letting everyone know.

Love is patient.

This is what Brittany was always told growing up.

Though she didn’t fully understand it then, she certainly understands it now.

She understands because her patience never runs out when it comes to the woman in her arms. No matter how many times they fall apart, she knows they will always come back together again. For all the hurt and the pretending and growing Santana has gone through over the years, forgiving herself and each other, Brittany has never thought about giving up, not Santana or on  _ them. _

Santana pulls her close when they dance later at the reception, their first dance as  _ wives, _ and whispers nice and low, “I finally get to spend forever with you.”

Brittany lets out a soft laugh, pressing a kiss to Santana’s temple.

“Until infinity,” she promises.


End file.
